I Choose You, Lord

As I stepped outside to feed my kitties, I noticed a fly lying still in the water dish. I thought of course that it was dead and started to remove it. As I touched it, signs of life started to show. I removed it from the water and set it on the table. Within minutes, after it’s wings had dried and it had regained new strength, it flew away. I thought, what if I hadn’t been there to save this little creature, It would have given up. In fact, it had already given up and had accepted it’s death even though it was only a centimeter from the edge of the water dish.

I continued to process this moment and The Spirit further guided my thoughts. He brought to mind that there are so many others (humans this time and not flies) that are in the same lot. They are so close to freedom yet they see no way out and have given up because of their intense pain and lifelong struggles. They are simply waiting to die. They believe there is no hope of rescue, and that no one can or will save them. I’ve been there as have others. They are not alone. You, my friend are not alone!

I’m not an expert by any means when it comes to deliverance, so I choose to rely rather on The Lord’s expertise in this realm. I share what He has done with the expectation that it will be a word of hope to those who think “what’s the point of continuing the fight?”

The Lord has delivered me in 2 critical ways: through salvation, and through the intervention of His power to not allow me to end my life. He has also removed my crippling fear of death and has released me from the believing the lie that food is my best and only friend. I have seen His hand work in ways I never imagined. He has blessed me with answered prayers, ones I had suppressed, and quite honestly forgotten I had prayed until He brought the miracle to pass.

Most recently, He reminded me once again of my tendency to turn to sugar to take away my pain and frustrations rather than to Him. Even though He delivered me many years ago from believing the lie that food was the only thing that could comfort me, I’ve still struggled with the consumption of sugar in great abundance. Eating just one or two or three, let’s be honest BAGS of cookies, is never enough. Having just one bowl (or gallon) or two or three of ice cream never satisfies me, yet I continue to turn to these things time and time again. Sweets have been my "go to” for more years than I care to admit, and have brought much temporary relief on the difficult days when I want to mask my insecurities and hide my shortcomings.

As I was driving to work the other day and praying for my husband, I thought, I don’t want my prayers to be hindered because of my sin (turning to sugar, which is so much easier, rather than to God in my times of need). I want God to hear and answer my prayers. There are many “justifiable” moments, in my opinion, when I think: I’m having a bad morning, so I deserve to eat this or that. It’s been 4 days now since I haven’t bought my “go to” collection of sweets. Every day has been a struggle to not give in to my flesh, but I will take each day, each moment as it comes. I’m thankful that through admitting my vulnerability I don’t have to do this on my own. I have His Word, The Holy Spirit, a kind husband, and dear friends, to empower me to submit to Him rather than rely on my strength to persevere. Thank You Jesus for Your faithfulness!!!